Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Wedding Makes a Family

Although Becky made such a lovely announcement introducing me to her adoring fans, I too am severely afflicted with procrastination. It has therefore taken me several weeks to work up to contributing to the blog! But, in honor of Blogging for LGBT Families Day over at Mombian, I join you loyal fans of Becky.

So many same-sex couples seem to consider themselves "family" before/without any sort of marriage or commitment ceremony. LGBT people have a long tradition of dependence on "chosen family," which apparently goes hand-in-hand with a whole lot of rejection and lack of understanding from families of origin. That’s not really my style.

Becky and I have lived together for five years. We've moved together, made life changing decisions together, adopted kittens together. But somehow, to me, this big party we're planning for November is when we become family. In some ways it’s a silly designation - legally in some states it will be a few weeks before that, and in most states it will be never (or at least, in all probability, a very long time from now). Emotionally we’ve kind of been family for a long time. But only kind of, and that’s where it’s not such a silly designation. November 6th, for me (us?), is the real deal. We’re going to stand up in front of all of the family and friends who care to make the trip and make a commitment. She’s joining my family, and I’m joining hers. In the families we each come from, making this commitment of marriage is also an essential stop on the road to having children. As a couple we will be each other’s family, and we will be laying the groundwork for the growing family we hope to have someday.

Some people probably assume that we’ve waited so long to get married because it wasn’t legal or we were already chosen family. It’s not really the case though. Of course I’d love to have all of the legal rights that come along with actual marriage. I’d love to not have to deal with getting marred in one state, reaffirming a civil union in another, and having a legally unrecognized ceremony and party for family and friends in a third. But we’re doing this now because now is when we’re both ready to commit to being a family. That’s pretty powerful stuff, if you think about it too long.


  1. Hooray for dual bloggers! Great post, Carrie. You will feel something when November 7th comes around. You'll take a deep breath and wonder what exactly it is...committment, yes, but something else you can't really describe. I guess it's what "forever" with the one you love feels like. Kind of indescribable.

  2. Carrie, What a wonderful post and we over here in MA certainly hope there's no rejecting of the family of origin. So happy for you guys. And even more to see things come together for you. Love you! J.